I wrote this in order to take a look at the pain of those who cannot enjoy a good life, and prevent myself from becoming absorbed in worldly matters. Sometimes I do fasting and meditating. The results can pacify my mind.
I consider food as one of the highest privileges. It's scarce. Sometimes I even feel guilty enjoying food, knowing that they are hard to obtain. I am poor, and despite what other people think of me, I often feel reluctant to eat. I never throw myself into gluttony, knowing that I will regret it later. I ration all of my goods so that they will still be there when I need them tomorrow.
Eating is what humans have to do to survive. It's one of the fundamental human rights. Without it we would've died a painful death. Slowly, with our stomach aching nonstop, we want nothing more than just a speck of rice or one gulp of water that won't even satisfy the hunger.
That being said, I always feel bad for those who are starving. Homeless people, the poor, or those in the middle of conflict. There are different kinds of starvation. Of hunger, of power, of money. Basic human needs that will become disgusting if you indulge in them. Crimes and other depravities are born because of one simple need that becomes bigger and bigger, to the point you want to have it all by yourself. To think that hunger is often born from another kind of (evil) starvation is very ironic.
Right now, I am starving. I'm not allowed to eat by my mother as a punishment, and the kitchen is currently empty. Even if there is food right now, I have to be sneaky just to obtain a little bit of food. I actually still have some money, so I can just go buy something that will suffice with the little money I have. But I'm actually used to this. This is not the first time she has done that to me. And I occasionally practice fasting too. So that will help. Gratefulness or thankfulness for small things really makes me feel hopeful again.
I hope someday I will be fully independent and get out of here.
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