My first (and second) day of high school: it's the worst.

I think it's a universal fact that most kids don't like school. Including me. Sure, it's a privilege to be able to go to school, unlike so many others. And I may be taking it for granted for saying this, but let's face it: school sucks.

Whether it's the curriculum, homework, or people. I shouldn't be expecting some sort of angels wandering in school. We will meet obnoxious people anywhere, right? But the people in school are just on a whole other level.

Not to mention I don't have friends. Boo-hoo. Pretty sad, huh?

Alright, that's kind of embarrassing to admit. The people they considered as "friends" are actually just some sort of acquaintance for me. They come and go, and they're not reliable, let alone trustworthy. I really wish I had not only just a friend but a best friend that shares my interests/ideas/principles and doesn't mind spending their time with me. Just one is fine.

In this dog-eat-dog type of world, we really can't expect much, can we? I feel so stupid for wanting to live in a... Not exactly utopia, but a decent world where... You know. A place where I can live by my own rules. It doesn't have to be perfect but at least far from this hellhole.

On the first day of school, I already made a mess. On the second day, I'm being laughed at by the whole class. The teachers' personalities are the worst. I wonder why these people become teachers in the first place. Well, in here, being a teacher is considered prestigious. And  people are willing to do stupid things to obtain it: bribery, nepotism, and corruption. That's why we don't have a single nice person holding authority here. I wish that had changed a long time ago. But no. Not now, maybe in the future.

Well, that will change. Maybe not in here, or not them. For now. It will change once I get to get out of here and live by myself in a good place.

P.S.: I was lying about being the class clown last time. I just typed it to make myself feel better. I cracked a few jokes here and there, and people did laugh, but to claim that I was the class clown of my class is mainly because my entire existence is just a big joke. 

His Favorite Drink (RIP)

 

So this was his favorite drink. My late stepfather. What a guy... he was my best friend. It's very rare to see a dude being a good stepfather. Even though it was never official since he didn't marry my mom. I wonder why he can stand her ultra-conservative ass even though we're both free-spirited. It has become my favorite drink too, but unfortunately I rarely see it nowadays because not every (small) store sells them in my area. They are often widely available in mini/supermarkets.

"A drink to the living, a toast to the dead."

Too Personal

I hate it when fake people are being too personal with me. Especially when they can't actually hide their true intentions, which are just blatantly shown in their face or body language. It screams their real personality through their attitude or mannerism. Narcissism is such a bad joke. But also very funny at the same time. Then again, I guess the ones that actually CAN hide their sus intentions are creepier, more dangerous types of people. Charming, manipulative bastards.

You know, I, in the entirety of my life, am surrounded by those so-called 'fake' people. I don't know exactly, it's in a broader sense, I think. I don't want to be like those 14-year-olds with their cringe posts who love deep things... Whatever that means. It's an accidental innuendo. But these people, they definitely fit inside the fake category. Faker than my mom's tits. They do laughable things to try to get... whatever their version of 'pleasure' is, always thinking that they have to possess all of the things in this world to gain happiness. What kind of happiness did they want, I wonder? But in a way they also do too little but want too much. Not effortless, but definitely need to be more hardworking. Hahaha.

They keep appearing in my life to the point I can easily differentiate the fake from the genuine. Kind of. It's actually still hard sometimes. Because some of the people I thought were genuine just turned out to be very good at pretending.

So in a way, I am grateful to finally be able to do that. Shrug off those who wanted to use me, I mean. Sometimes I play along out of convenience or boredom. It's just so interesting and hilarious when they try so hard, but in the end I didn't give them what they wanted. The look of hatred on their face is going to cost me troublesome things in the future, but I think it's worth it. It's always worth it to see people who initially wanted to crush you end up crushing themselves instead.

So yeah. Disregard of boundaries is one of the keys to manipulation. Their over-friendliness is just a way to mask that they're actually wolves in sheep's clothing who just wanted to use you as their puppet. And then there are people who think that those who are genuinely friendly, or the ones who 'reciprocate' (for the sake of being polite), are flirting with them. Stop it. They are just being kind, and they mean it. Unlike you. I believe that sometimes, you just have to stop trying so hard to fool everyone. You'll end up fooling yourself.

Life and Death

We get on with life as anything,

Trying to survive and get by.

We pray to the one that,

Observing us with watchful eyes.

We like to contemplate life, 

So when we start to daydream,

Our minds turn straight to death.

Sometimes I look at the abyss and the abyss gazes back,

I notice the way it thinks about death with a smile,

Curved lips it just can't disguise.

But they think their misdeeds are making their lives worthwhile.

Why is it so hard for them to decide which they love more?

Life or...

Death?

They like to use words like 'good'

They like to use words like 'bad'

They like to use fancy words to describe them.

But when they finally stop their talking,

Their minds turn straight to death.

Sometimes they look at me and I look into their eyes,

I notice the way they think about death with a frown,

Curved lips I just can't disguise.

And they think it's death making their life miserable.

Why is it so hard for them to know which missed them more?

Life or...

Death?

They like to hang out with hatred,

They like to kick back with sins.

But when they were finally left alone,

Their mind turns straight to death.

Sometimes the abyss gazes but I don't realize,

It's too late to notice the way it thinks about life and death with a smile.

Curved lips it just can't disguise,

And they still think that corruption is making their lives worthwhile.

Why is it so hard for them to decide which controlled them more?

Life or...

Death?

They're not too fond of humanity,

And always blame fortune in the end.

It gives them what they wanted, 

But then take it back so easily.

If only they would just think back to death,

They will be happy once again.

.

This was made by a certain song lyrics generator I found on the internet, and I thought it was kind of interesting, but I changed some lyrics here and there so that it makes more sense (the original was a bunch of gibberish) and thereby I changed the entirety of the original's barely-there meaning... The last part was written by me though, just because I was addicted to Carmina Burana (lmaooo).